The Myth of Early Bedtime

How early is an early bedtime?

7PM?

6PM?

Wait, WHAT? 5:30PM?

I often meet instant resistance from parents when I recommend an early bedtime for their child.

The conversations go like this:  

Me: “Your son’s naps are short and he needs more sleep. Can we change his bedtime to 6PM?”

Parent A: “I don’t get off work until 6. How can I get my son to bed before that?”

Me: “It takes a really long time for your little girl to fall asleep, so we should get her to bed earlier.”

Parent B: “She’s usually still running circles around the dinner table at 6. If I try to get her to bed at 6, she won’t fall asleep until 9!”

Me: “Your daughter’s early wakings mean we need to get her to bed earlier.”

Parent C: “But won’t she wake up even earlier if she falls asleep earlier?”

All of these concerns are completely understandable.

To most families, an early bedtime means:

A.   Less playtime with your baby after you come home from work.

B.    Rushing to get your baby bathed, fed, and changed before bedtime.

C.    Changing everybody’s schedule to make sure your child gets to bed on time.

D.   When you have older children who don’t sleep until 10 or 11PM, keeping the home quiet enough after 6PM can be challenging.

However, there’s a reason why I give Parents A, B, and C the same advice: your child is overtired.

Most of us know what’s it like to be tired. So, what the heck does it mean to be “overtired”?

You’ve probably experienced a situation like this: you work really late at night and by the time you go to bed, you’re absolutely exhausted but you just can’t fall asleep. Well, that’s feeling overtired. We can also understand this feeling as being “excessively tired.”

Babies can get overtired very fast. Once they get into an overtired state, they might appear as if they’re running on adrenaline and/or extremely fussy. That’s because when children are tired, their brains release extra cortisol (our “fight-or-flight” hormone) to get them overly pumped up. Then they won’t fall asleep easily, end up experiencing poor-quality sleep, and are more likely to wake up really early.  

Don’t let your baby get overtired.

Most children who need help from child sleep consultants have chronic fatigue due to months or years of accumulative sleep loss (or “sleep debt”). In order to get them to thrive on healthy sleep habits and become independent sleepers, we need to:

A.   Prevent them from entering the overtired zone.

B.    Offer them more time to learn self-soothing skills in bed/crib.

When our little ones fall asleep before getting overtired, their sleep quality will be better and they can connect sleep cycles more smoothly and stay asleep longer. Thus, they will accrue less sleep loss.

Dr. Marc Weissbluth, the author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, recommends that parents offer early bedtime to their babies as early as 6 weeks of age. It’s fine to have occasional late nights if there’s a family activity that you really want your child to participate in. However, parents should avoid chronically late bedtimes and get the whole family on board to help your child develop this healthy sleep habit. 

Here are some good tips to help parents set an early bedtime:

o   Watch your child closely and catch their subtle signs of drowsiness. If your child already looks very sleepy or grows more sluggish at 5PM, you will need to set his/her bedtime no later than 5:30PM.

o   Once there’s a bedtime set up, count backwards to figure out when dinner or last feeding time should be. Make sure your child’s tummy is full and diaper is changed before bedtime.

o   Plan a simple and calming bedtime routine (no longer than 30 minutes) so that your child will have enough time to wind down. Stick to this routine so it serves as a sleep cue for your child: it’s time for sweet dreams.

o   If you really want to spend quality playtime with your child, focus on arranging those activities in the morning or during the day when he/she is well-rested and happy to play.

With your effort and planning, early bedtime won’t be a myth. It’s very achievable and most importantly, beneficial for your child’s sleep hygiene.

Remember, the healthy habits that we build for our kids early on – and the less sleep they lose – will continue to impact them into adulthood.